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HOW DO YOU FORGIVE WHEN YOU’RE FINDING IT HARD TO DO: UNVEILING SIX CONSIDERABLE FACTORS THAT AIDS FORGIVENESS.



The advantages of Forgiveness cannot be underemphasized.

We at some point in time choose not to forgive someone who has wrongly treated us, simply because we really don’t know the enormous advantage therein in exerting forgiveness or letting go completely the burden of pain that has been imparted into us. 

The truth is the thought of taking vengeance upon a wrongdoer cannot but comes to  mind. The hurt we felt brings about anger, hatred and it also conditioned our mind to seek the hurt (that something evil should happens) of such a fellow.
However as Christians, we had been given a higher and a new life in Christ Jesus, the kind which its nature is always to forgive and forget at all times. Meanwhile, considering the new life in Christ Jesus, we really do want to forgive and let go of any wrong and hurt towards us, but a times we do find it hard to do, probably because  the wrong exerted towards us is very great.

Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. Colossians 3:12-13

For this purpose do I write that we may find it easy to forgive and to conditioned our minds to always ready to do so, for there’s always going to be people who wants our hurt.


FIRSTLY, WHAT IS FORGIVENESS, AND WHAT IT’S NOT

FORGIVENESS IS NOT:
Ø Saying, pretending or thinking that something someone has done is all right.
Ø Forgetting what a person has done
Ø Acting towards someone as if they have never done what they did.

FORGIVENESS MEANS:
Ø Not holding the other person accountable to you for the past deeds, and letting go of any wish for revenge.
Ø You are no longer holding judgment against them, by giving it to God to judge.
Ø Forgiveness is to no longer hold on to the anger and the hurt; to no longer demand or wish that the wrongdoer be properly paid back. You no longer remember the deeds in other to maintain your anger. Rejecting thoughts of revenge that comes to mind instead of building and dwelling on them.

Forgiveness actually releases us from the vengeful feelings that surface, because of the anger that will continue to grow inside of us. 

Forgiveness releases us from the feelings that will turn into something else the longer we don’t address it. By addressing the pain and by giving ourselves the freedom to let go, we then can accept the issue that created the pain in the first place.

How then do you forgive when you’re finding it hard to do? : Six considerable facts.

1.       Forgive Yourself: You shouldn’t be surprised that the very first thing is that you forgive yourself. Once you forgive yourself, then you found yourself to be free from so many things, and the first thing we must understand about forgiving is that it actually does frees us. When you forgive yourself, you will find it quite easy to forgive other people. Forgiving yourself in this context connotes, disallowing the hatred exerted on you by the wrongdoer to scorch you. Forgive yourself also connotes you making a commitment to feel better, never allowing the evil deeds to depress or weaken you emotionally, physically and spiritually a times. Vejay Mehta says: if you don’t forgive, you are only allowing their hatred to burn you again and again.

2.       Trust God with your pains: this means recognizing the fact that, with the help of God can you only forgive and even forget. You can actually trust God for enablement so as to get rid of the pain or hurt that has been acted towards you.

          Trusting God with your pain also connotes, letting God take over the control of the situation, in that with God, the pain or hurt can eventually turns to be a blessing in your regard.

Take for instance Joseph: (Genesis 45: 1- 20). Joseph has everything it takes to hurt or take vengeance on his brothers who sold him into slavery, but he recognizes how God turned the situation around for his favour.

Gen 45:8 So now it was not you that sent me hither, but God: and he hath made me a father to Pharaoh, and lord of all his house, and a ruler throughout all the land of Egypt.

Jesus and Stephen (the stoned martyr) are vivid imagery of the foregoing thought. In that even at the point of the death, they can still say “Father Forgive Them”.

 Matthew 18:21-22Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
3.   Remember the Goodness of God: Forgiveness is an Act of God that reaches to us all even before the foundation of the World by the lamb (Jesus) that was stained.  While we are yet sinners, the scripture says Christ died for our sins, and through his death, we receive forgiveness of sins and we become a purchased possession unto God through the blood of Jesus Christ.

          If God can so much forgive us the sins that are past, the present ones and the sins that may be committed in the future, then, I see no reason why we shouldn’t look and remember the goodness of God towards us, thereby taking upon ourselves the willingness and eagerness to always forgive and forget.


4.       Consider its influence on your health: If you refuse to forgive, you are hurting no one but yourself. Forgiveness is actually a key to freedom, if you want to move on with your life and not remain a prisoner of your own past and thoughts, and also to get free from the baggage or luggage of resentment that you carried. The truth is, we’re going to find ourselves to hurt health-wisely, if we hold on to anger, bitterness, pains and vengeance, we are truly only harming ourselves. Someone says and I quote “If we hold unto anger, bitterness, pains and we refused to forgive, It is just like drinking poison, expecting the other person to die”. In other words un-forgiveness is detrimental to our health, in fact it takes away ones joy and happiness and as a result of this many other things sets in. More loads, more stress, more anger and less healthy.

5.       Let it be a Heroic Choice you always want to make: The truth is forgiveness is not an easy thing to do, but I must say it is the wisest choice anyone can make. And making that choice makes it a heroic choice and deed.

This you do by making a commitment to yourself that no matter what happens, you will refused to be a prisoner of some peoples evil doings and that you will always be ready to forgive at all cost.

Make the heroic choice by declaring to yourself that “I am forgiving” no matter what, “I choose to forgive”, Let it be the tone that is always ringing in your heart. In that, there’s no way you walk that the head will not shake; this I mean you can live here and not get offended.

6.       You always want to be pardon too: Any choice we make in life is like a reciprocal proportion. In other words, you do to them whatever you want men to do for you. Of course you also want to be forgiven of your wrongs, then while holding resentment against another person.
You pray to God for forgiveness, why then did you refuse to pardon another person.
For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6: 14 -15

Conclusively; Forgiveness brings freedom. Meanwhile, whenever you want to forgive and you’re finding it hard to do; then you should considers; Forgiving yourself, remember the goodness of God, trust God with your pains, consider its influence on your health, letting it be an heroic choice of all time, and that you will also be forgiven just as you have been forgiven of your past sins.
Praise God.

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