How to Forgive When You're Finding It Hard To Do: Unveiling 6 Factors That Aids Forgiveness
The advantages of Forgiveness cannot be underemphasized.
We at some point in time choose not to forgive
someone who has wrongly treated us, simply because we really don’t know the enormous
advantage therein in exerting forgiveness or letting go completely the burden
of pain that has been imparted into us.
The truth is the thought of taking vengeance upon a
wrongdoer cannot but comes to mind.
The hurt we felt brings about anger,
hatred and it also conditioned our mind to seek the hurt (that something evil
should happens) of such a fellow.
However as Christians, we had been given a higher
and a new life in Christ Jesus, the kind which its nature is always to
forgive and forget at all times.
Considering the new life in Christ
Jesus, we really do want to forgive and let go of any wrong and hurt towards us, but at times we do find it hard to do, probably because the wrong exerted towards us is just too much.
Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. Colossians 3:12-13
For this purpose do I write that we may find it easy
to forgive and to conditioned our minds to always ready to do so, for there’s
always going to be people who wants our hurt.
WHAT IS FORGIVENESS, AND WHAT IT’S NOT
What Forgiveness Is Not:
- Saying, pretending or thinking that something someone has done is all right.
- Forgetting what a person has done.
- Acting towards someone as if they have never done what they did.
What Forgiveness Means:
- Not holding the other person accountable to you for
the past deeds, and letting go of any wish for revenge.
- You are no longer holding judgment against them, by
giving it to God to judge.
- Forgiveness is to no longer hold on to the anger and
the hurt; to no longer demand or wish that the wrongdoer be properly paid back.
You no longer remember the deeds in other to maintain your anger. Rejecting thoughts
of revenge that comes to mind instead of building and dwelling on them.
Forgiveness actually releases us from
the vengeful feelings that surface, because of the anger that will continue to
grow inside of us.
Forgiveness releases us from the feelings that will turn into something else the longer we don’t address it.
Forgiveness releases us from the feelings that will turn into something else the longer we don’t address it.
By addressing the pain and
by giving ourselves the freedom to let go, we then can accept the issue that
created the pain in the first place.
How do you forgive when you’re finding it hard to do.
Six considerable facts
1. Forgive
Yourself: You shouldn’t be
surprised that the very first thing is that you forgive yourself. Once you
forgive yourself, then you found yourself to be free from so many things, and
the first thing we must understand about forgiving is that it actually does
frees us. When you forgive yourself, you will find it quite easy to forgive
other people. Forgiving yourself in this context connotes, disallowing the
hatred exerted on you by the wrongdoer to scorch you. Forgive yourself also
connotes you making a commitment to feel better, never allowing the evil deeds
to depress or weaken you emotionally, physically and spiritually a times. Vejay
Mehta says: if you don’t forgive, you are only allowing their hatred to burn
you again and again.
2. Trust
God with your pains: this means
recognizing the fact that, with the help of God can you only forgive and even
forget. You can actually trust God for enablement so as to get rid of the pain
or hurt that has been acted towards you.
Trusting God with your pain also connotes, letting God take
over the control of the situation, in that with God, the pain or hurt can
eventually turns to be a blessing in your regard.
Take for instance Joseph: (Genesis 45: 1- 20). Joseph has
everything it takes to hurt or take vengeance on his brothers who sold him into
slavery, but he recognizes how God turned the situation around for his favour.
Gen 45:8 So now it was not you that
sent me hither, but God: and he hath made me a father to Pharaoh, and lord of
all his house, and a ruler throughout all the land of Egypt.
Jesus and Stephen (the stoned martyr)
are vivid imagery of the foregoing thought. In that even at the point of the
death, they can still say “Father Forgive Them”.
Matthew 18:21-22Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
3. Remember
the Goodness of God: Forgiveness is
an Act of God that reaches to us all even before the foundation of the World by
the lamb (Jesus) that was stained. While
we are yet sinners, the scripture says Christ died for our sins, and through
his death, we receive forgiveness of sins and we become a purchased possession
unto God through the blood of Jesus Christ.
If God can so much forgive us the sins that are
past, the present ones and the sins that may be committed in the future, then,
I see no reason why we shouldn’t look and remember the goodness of God towards
us, thereby taking upon ourselves the willingness and eagerness to always
forgive and forget.
4. Consider
its influence on your health: If you refuse to forgive, you are hurting no one
but yourself. Forgiveness is actually
a key to freedom, if you want to move on with your life and not remain a
prisoner of your own past and thoughts, and also to get free from the baggage
or luggage of resentment that you carried. The truth is, we’re going to find
ourselves to hurt health-wisely, if we hold on to anger, bitterness, pains and
vengeance, we are truly only harming ourselves. Someone says and I quote “If we
hold unto anger, bitterness, pains and we refused to forgive, It is just like
drinking poison, expecting the other person to die”. In other words un-forgiveness
is detrimental to our health, in fact it takes away ones joy and happiness and
as a result of this many other things sets in. More loads, more stress, more
anger and less healthy.
5. Let it
be a Heroic Choice you always want to make: The
truth is forgiveness is not an easy thing to do, but I must say it is the
wisest choice anyone can make. And making that choice makes it a heroic choice
and deed.
This you do by making a commitment to
yourself that no matter what happens, you will refused to be a prisoner of some
peoples evil doings and that you will always be ready to forgive at all cost.
Make the heroic choice by declaring to
yourself that “I am forgiving” no matter what, “I choose to forgive”, Let it be
the tone that is always ringing in your heart. In that, there’s no way you walk
that the head will not shake; this I mean you can live here and not get
offended.
6. You
always want to be pardon too:
Any choice we make in life is like a reciprocal proportion. In other words, you
do to them whatever you want men to do for you. Of course you also want to be
forgiven of your wrongs, then while holding resentment against another person.
You pray to God for forgiveness, why
then did you refuse to pardon another person.
For if ye forgive men their
trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not
men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew
6: 14 -15
Conclusion
Forgiveness brings freedom.
Whenever you want to forgive and you’re finding it hard to do; then you should
considers; Forgiving yourself, remember the goodness of God, trust God with
your pains, consider its influence on your health, letting it be an heroic
choice of all time, and that you will also be forgiven just as you have been
forgiven of your past sins.
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FAQs About Forgiveness
How do I forgive someone who has hurt me deeply?
Forgiving someone who has hurt you deeply can be difficult, but it is possible. One practical step is to pray for the person and ask God to give you the strength to forgive them.
It is also important to try to see the situation from the other person's perspective and extend grace and compassion towards them. Remember that forgiveness is a process and it may take time.
Does forgiving someone mean I have to forget what they did?
Forgiving someone does not necessarily mean you have to forget what they did. It is important to remember the lessons learned from the situation so that you can avoid making the same mistakes in the future.
However, forgiveness does mean that you release the anger and bitterness associated with the situation and let go of the desire for revenge.
Can I forgive someone without them asking for forgiveness?
Yes, you can forgive someone without them asking for forgiveness. Forgiveness is more about releasing yourself from the pain and bitterness associated with the situation rather than the other person's response.
However, it is important to remember that reconciliation may not be possible if the other person is not willing to admit their wrongs and seek forgiveness.
How many times should I forgive someone who keeps hurting me?
Jesus teaches us to forgive others not just seven times, but seventy-seven times (Matthew 18:22). This means that we should be willing to forgive someone as many times as it takes for true reconciliation and healing to occur.
Is it okay to feel angry when I'm trying to forgive someone?
Yes, it is okay to feel angry when trying to forgive someone. Forgiveness is not about denying our emotions but rather acknowledging and processing them in a healthy way.
It is important to express our feelings to God in prayer and seek His guidance in how to move forward.
How can I forgive myself for past mistakes?
Forgiving yourself for past mistakes can be challenging, but it is important for personal growth and healing. One practical step is to confess your mistakes to God and ask for His forgiveness.
It is also important to seek accountability and support from a trusted friend or spiritual mentor. Remember that God's grace is sufficient and He is always willing to forgive and help us move forward.
How do I know when I've truly forgiven someone?
You know you have truly forgiven someone when you no longer feel the same level of anger, bitterness or resentment towards them.
You are able to extend compassion and grace towards them and desire their well-being. However, forgiveness is a process and may take time to fully heal from the pain and hurt caused by the situation.
Can forgiving someone really help me heal?
Yes, forgiving someone can help you heal emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Holding onto anger and bitterness can lead to stress, anxiety and depression.
Forgiveness releases the burden of negative emotions and allows you to move forward with a greater sense of peace and freedom.
What if I don't feel like I can forgive someone?
Forgiveness can be difficult and it is common to struggle with feelings of anger and bitterness. However, forgiveness is a choice rather than a feeling. You can choose to forgive someone even if you don't feel like it.
Pray for God's help and guidance in the process and seek support from a trusted friend or spiritual mentor. Remember that forgiveness is ultimately for your benefit and freedom.